Waiting for the Rain...

"We have rested long enough...All these years, all I've had is darkness, but I have never seen a brighter light than when my eyes just opened.  And I know that light burns in all of you....I'd rather die today than live another day of this death." (Snow White and the Huntsman)

Have you ever been watching a movie, just mentally relaxing, enjoying the story, feeling like you're there in the story? And then all of the sudden, a profound truth smacks you in the face...  A truth that puts into words what you've been trying to get out of your soul all along.  Better yet, it's a fairy tale - a modern day fable - perhaps it's meant to get people's attention.  Or maybe it was just speaking to me...

Whatever the case, this scene is where I am right now in my life.  For may moons now I have been trying to understand, to find direction, to find Purpose, seeking His face, searching His word.  Nothing made sense.  Sometimes it still doesn't. But just as Snow White's eyes suddenly opened, it seemed like my spiritual eyes were opened to something "new," though it was likely there all along.

While I don't consider most of my journey to be restful, I have "rested" long enough.  I have wandered by the wayside, wondering what was next, waiting for instruction.  Now I have received my summons. Whether I will be called to this round, I don't know.  But I have chosen to follow, to be obedient, to be transparent.  I am more uncertain of my future than I have been in a long time.  But I finally feel life being breathed back in to my dry bones.  Today's rains reminded of the rain I have waited for so long while in this desert.

Not sure where we are going, but when He says go, I will go.  And when He says stay, I will stay.  And when He says hold on, I'm in for the duration!  Looking forward to I don't know what...and am finally okay with that...

Mid-Life Juncture...

Def.  - juncture  means an event that occurs at a critical time or point in time when a critical decision must be made


So...I am two days into being 37.  I'm not really sure how that's supposed to feel.  I know several people that are 37, and don't feel like I am as old as many of them.  I am usually told I look more like my late twenties.  Often I wish I had the wisdom that comes with later years.  But whatever it means, one thing is certain.  Based upon the average life-expectancy, I am at mid-life. 


Usually, it is referred to as a "mid-life crisis".  People go into this frenzy because they feel like they're getting old and want to be young.  They buy toys, run from responsibility, seek pleasure, often do crazy things....  


Turning 37 wasn't really a big deal.  In fact, I had to calculate my new age, because I couldn't remember exactly how old I was turning...!  (Maybe that is old age..!)  Then I started thinking...(i know...that's not always a good thing...!)


I am not at a "crisis" in life, but more at a juncture.  I have been working through some things this past year that have been challenging, revealing, and often frustrating. But Saturday, I came to one conclusion.  I have but one life to live.  I am half-way finished, in all sense and purposes.  Do I want to finish as I have started?  Am I content with where I am?  Am I doing what arouses my passion and inspires others to do the same?


In the words of Robert Frost:
       Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
       I took the one less traveled by,
       And that has made all the difference.


I have learned in my life that there are two kinds of people.  Those that fit in and those that don't.  I've never seemed to be one to fit in very easily.  Though I have tried at times, it wearies me and steals my joy.  I am reviewing a lesson from perhaps one of the wisest men of our time, Dr. Seuss: "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"  


I have also learned that everything in life worth having is worth fighting for.  I've always had to fight.  I've always had to prove.  Or not, if it wasn't worth it.  Why would life be any different now?  


So now I'm at crossroads.  Do I take the safe route and finish life unharmed, with lots to show for it, but likely unfulfilled?  Or do I take a leap, risking everything, giving up all I have claim to, in order to "run with endurance the race God has set before [me]?"  


I guess there really is no choice...St. Irenaeus summed it up..."The glory of God is man fully alive."  We are created for His glory.  We are to be His people, His mouthpiece.  We are to follow His example. We are to stir up the stagnant water, wake up the sleepers, live as children of the Light.  Time to jump, and be ready for the ride...


"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)