Freedom...

Seems like a far cry from where we feel like we're headed, doesn't it?  Less choice, more rules, less pay, more cost…. But it is in the middle of this mess that we call life that I am discovering my own place.

We live in a world where we want more bang for our buck, we'll make it your way, no credit check, all you can eat, buy one get one…, in only 8 weeks you can have…, and the list goes on.  However, I have discovered that in the middle of all the convenience comes a mad & crazy dash for nothing…. What do we really have to show for all of it?  Is there anything that will make a lasting impact?

On the other end of the spectrum, we see the name it and claim it mindset.  If you believe it, it will happen.  If you are doing the right things, good things will come to you.  Or perhaps the worst…God will never give you more than you can handle.  I think we have been fooled on that one…!

As I continue to learn about the many facets of God, I am reminded by a friend of a passage: "God is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape so that you are able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Sounds all good, but here's the kicker…we're talking about temptation…not about life… Sometimes, God will allow us to face mountains that are higher than we can climb, or seas that are roaring out of control (remember His disciples?) or even circumstances that seem to take everything we have left (remember Jesus in Gethsemane?).  Does that mean that He doesn't care?  Or that He isn't strong enough? Or doesn't love us enough? Or that we have really messed up this time?

I'll be honest…I have asked myself those questions many times.  I have spent hours trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I missed, what I misunderstood.  Sometimes, to be honest, it is me… I am very opinionated, very determined and very stubborn.  These can be good when used in the right way.  But when dealing with God, these can cause much heartache, growing pains, sometimes temper tantrums, and always a final surrender to what the Father knows is best.  Other times, it isn't any of that.  It is simply that God knows the big plan.  He knows where I am headed.  He knows what I will face.  He knows what others need.  And He knows what He desires to complete in me and in others.

Probably the most difficult, but most rewarding, lesson I have learned in this life so far is that God cares about me too much to worry about hurting my feelings by correcting me or showing me how helpless I am without Him.  Sometimes, in all the convenience, processed, and at-our-fingertips luxuries that we have become accustomed to - even those who don't have as much - we have forgotten that we need each other, and more importantly, we need Him.

Without Him to correct me, guide me, discipline me and even sometimes allow me to suffer, I have missed (or forgotten) the fact that He has a desire to have a real relationship with me and for me to know Him.  When I think of the relationship He wants with me, I think a lot of my relationship with my own dad.  It seemed that we could communicate without ever saying a word.  We could almost seem to read each other's thoughts.  We knew our love for one another, even when nothing was said.  We thought alike, we laughed at the same things.  We had the same sense of humor.  We had a heart for many of the same things.  There was a connection that couldn't be broken by time or space.  I have to believe that God desires that same relationship with me.  While I wanted to talk to my dad, and still miss it, it was more than just a talk.  It was more than a checklist.  It was more than just an appearance.  It was something that was real.  Nitty-gritty some times.  Raw sometimes.  But it was open, honest and real.

God doesn't want me to say or do what I think He wants.  He already knows what my true intentions are.  He wants me to be real; He already knows where I'm weak, stubborn, struggling.  He knows me better than I know myself.  Sometimes, I think He simply wants for me to know myself as He does. And yet, He has a plan for me.  I am often comforted by Peter, who had a knack for sticking his foot in his mouth, becoming a powerful, passionate follower of the Christ.  He knows that I am in over my head.  I often think He does that intentionally…so that I can know Him more, so that I will involve Him in my life, and so that I will seek Him above everything else.

And that is where the freedom comes in.  The more boxed in I feel in my job or surroundings or just life in general, the more I have to begin looking up and looking out.  Where will God show Himself?  When will He show me another facet of His glory?  When will I remember, once again, that it is only through Christ that I can do anything of real meaning?  When will I accept that life can be hard, for no reason I can understand, but that it is a part of what He desires for me to become more like him.  More like the refined silver.  When will I realize that being weak, or even broken, flawed, helpless, or overwhelmed is sometimes, often times, right where He wants me.  It is then that I have no other choice but to reach up…

To cry out…

To listen for the still small voice…