Crossing the Creek (or Watch out for Cow pies)

Lately, I have been lingering and working on a song.  It is one of my heart songs right now: Perfect Peace. While it's a little older, it's one that I needed now.  It begins: "Stay close by my side; Keep your eyes on Me. Though this life is hard, I will give you perfect peace.  In this time of trial, pain that no one sees.  Trust Me when I say that I will give you perfect peace."  This is something that I've been struggling through for quite a while.  Though I seek to be obedient, to know Him more, to follow His guidance, it seems that I am out in the pasture, lost in the fog that surrounds me, and though I know He's there, I can't see Him, can't touch Him, and most painfully, can't hear Him.

This has been a very difficult journey.  Not in that it has been a life or death struggle, that I have been persecuted, or even that I lost it all.  Rather, it has been inside, searching out the depths of my soul, seeking to find all the cobwebs, dustballs, and dirty, smelly socks, as well as the "stuff" that has been cluttering up my view, and my hearing.  It has been different than any of my other journeys.  I have always had a sensitivity to His voice.  I have known, even in the hard times, that He is there, and even if just a whisper, I have heard Him tell me, "This is the way, walk in it."  However, on this part of the journey, it seems as though I have no cell service - signal is lost.  Though I know He is with me, I know He speaks through His Word, and through others, there's something about the silence....  It's agonizing...excruciating at times, and often leaves me questioning everything.

But one thing that has come from it is to realize, or more importantly, accept, that He has created me in a unique way.  I have always known He is with me, and I have learned first hand that sometimes, He isn't audible.  But I know Him well enough to know that He knows me intimately.  He knows where I need admonition, encouragement, strength, and humbleness.  Sometimes, there isn't just one right answer.  It's a question I often pose to my own students..."Is there only one way to solve this problem?"  Many times, the answer is yes; but other times, there may be several strategies.  All very similar in actuality, but dependent upon each student and what they are willing and able to do; dependent on their strengths and learning styles.  Maybe it's up to me to make the decision.  Which method (or path) will I choose?  Will I attempt it at all, or will I just skip it?  Will I follow the paved road, or the beaten path, or like my journey to find the perfect picture, will I wander down where there is not path, and simply leave a trail...one that can be seen after I have travelled, but sometimes only by those really seeking, and find the beauty that so many miss.

I have always detested following the crowd and doing what everyone else does because it's the "cool" or "right" thing to do.  Yet as an adult, I have found myself in positions that seem to encourage compromise on those views, and fitting into a particular mold.  While I have tried to "fit in," I find more and more that I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  It's painful for me, and a waste of time for the round hole.  All the while, there's a round piece that would be a perfect fit...and even more, somewhere is a square opening that is made for me.  I am not sure where it is right now, but I know that it must be there...It goes back to the dreamer that He instilled in me.  The free-spiritedness that adulthood tries to stifle.  Yet somehow, it's not enough to settle.  All the while, knowing that there is something out there, more than I can imagine, more than I can achieve, more than I am doing now, something that only He can achieve.  Something that can make Monday mornings the best day of the week as a new week begins.

So, as I stated last post, it's time to discover how the hard times, the painful times, the challenges, and more recently, the unknown steps lead me closer to Him, and to the adventure that lies ahead.  It's like the Indiana Jones movie, where there is a wide cavern that has to be crossed, but no apparent way across, but all it takes is one step.  The Rock is there all the time...even when I don't see Him.  Even when the cavernous void distracts me, even when my fear of heights paralyzes me.  Just like Peter, I must keep my eyes on the Way.  Only He can direct me. Only by keeping my focus on Him can I have the peace of mind to step out, or to jump off.

So where is that?  I don't know.  David says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet..."  That's just enough for the next step.  So that's what I'm focusing on.  Just a small mound...just like the ones I use to cross the creek.  Doesn't have to be large...I don't have to know where the next one is.  Only once I step out, can I find the next one across.  I just have to know that I'm not stuck on the first side, sinking into the mud, missing the opportunity to explore the beauty and the journey that's across the creek.  Sometimes it's a little unnerving, like when I'm out and the sun starts to set.  The woods are darker.  I hear things in the brush, but I follow the water to find my way out.  And then I see the light of the sun (Son) and know that even if I'm exhausted I can make it home.

So here I stand, at the edge of the creek.  Ready to take the first step on a knot hole.  Ready to be able to see the beauty in the journey it will take me on.  Ready to let go of the comfort and security that causes discontentment, and jump...even though I may feel sick on the way down!  In the end, it will be worth it!  So I'm heading down to the creek, watching out for cow pies (distractions & slip-ups that cause quite a stink at times!), ready to find the first step across...