Not Against Flesh and Blood

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:10-12)

The last few weeks have been so crazy. I have struggled, not just the past few weeks, but even for the past few years. I didn't put it all together until the past week or two. Yesterday morning, I felt like I was absolutely losing my mind. While I was having my quiet time, as clear as day I heard Eph. 6:12, but applied to me..."Your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." It made sense. I have had problems before, and when I went to the doctor, they did lab test (several rounds) and came to the conclusion that nothing was wrong with me. (I think my doctor thought I was a hypochondriac!) I would have thought I had lost my mind, but when my church family prayed for me, things got better...! It was then that I began to understand the depth of the spiritual battle that we face. This round of the battle has seemed worse. To the point that I have nightmares and wierd dreams most nights and anxiety issues. It got to the point that I felt like I was going crazy. I went to the doctor once again, and was given medicine. First to sleep and later to help with anxiety. However, it appears that both are causing adverse reactions. One is causing me to shake and lose my appetite (which isn't a regular side affect) and the other is causing me to not remember things and be a zombie, as well and both causing more anxiety. There are other things that can be tried, but as I was praying yesterday, that verse came to mind.

This leaves quite a challenge...I had to quit taking one of the medications because it was having bad side affects. The other is my call whether to take or not. Last night I didn't take the optional one. I didn't sleep much, and I had nightmares and anxious dreams. However, I felt like I was in my right mind today. In the middle of the night, I remembered reading what a friend had written about her journey recently, and knew I needed to be sure I was ready for battle. The nightmares stopped, and I slept a little better, but the dreams were still very anxious. I guess I know the answer in my head, I just have to accept it in my heart...I know that there's nothing the doctor can do. Just like last time, there isn't anything that they will find wrong with me. And probably like last time, medicine won't work either. This stuff is worse because instead of not just working, it's weirding me out. The difficult part is to continue pushing through. I'm not sure how much more I can do. There have been a few times that I even was ready to just give up all together. But I know that somehow, He has to pull me through. It's His name that's at stake. There's something that He's preparing me for in serving Him, I just don't know what in this world it is.

So until then, I have to keep pushing through each day. I know that the victory has already been claimed, I just need to finish the battle. Somehow, it will prepare me for other things, and it will definitely draw me closer to Him. I have to claim His victory, and remember that fear and worry are not of Him. When I give in, I have lost the battle. Each day is a challenge, but I know He has to show up each night... I guess that's all I have for now...I'd love to have the end of it, but unfortunately, I don't know when this part of my journey in life will be complete. So, until next time...