An Old Antique Mirror...

I have spent some time the last several days working on some new worship music for church. There is so much music on the radio now, that sometimes, it all starts to sound the same, words and tune. Sometimes, however, there's that song you come across, and it makes you go hmmm.... This is one of those songs...

This song speaks to me so much. Here's the words:

I see shattered, You see whole

I see broken, but You see beautiful

And You're helping me to believe

You're restoring me piece by piece

There's nothing too dirty that you can't make worthy

You wash me in mercy, I am clean

There's nothing too dirty that you can't make worthy

You wash me in mercy, I am clean

What was dead now lives again

My heart's beating, beating inside my chest

Oh, I'm coming alive with joy and destiny

'Cause You're restoring me piece by piece

Washed in the blood of Your sacrifice

Your blood flowed red and made me white

My dirty rags are purified, I am clean

For much of my life, I have felt that I wasn't enough...smart enough, pretty enough, perfect enough, organized enough, social enough, creative enough, good enough...sometimes even "just" enough. Since I turned 40, I have been working through much of that, to be okay with who I am because of "Whose" I am. I am "enough" because He is enough for me.

I think of it kind of like an old mirror.  With an old, clouded, antique mirror, there is often a haze that prevents us from seeing the actual look of what is reflected in the mirror. It's cloudy, sometimes even full of black spots. They prevent us from seeing the true beauty of it. It's a very extensive and expensive process to restore it to it's original beauty. It's only worthwhile when the mirror is valuable and the one doing it is an expert.

It's much like that with us, too. Sin causes those black, hazy spots to form and to cover over who He made us to be. We can't see anything except our failures, our weaknesses, our ugliness. But HE was willing to pay the price for us to be restored and HE has the power to make us like new. He makes us clean. The view through the newly restored "mirror"is now a reflection of the One who put the time and energy into restoring it.

Even though I make mistakes - LOTS of them - He takes me as I am and cleans me up. I see myself through the view of an old, clouded mirror when I look through my own eyes. I'm never enough on my own. But He sees me as I am becoming, through the blood of His sacrifice on the cross - new, whole, restored, useful to Him. When I allow Him to restore me as He originally intended me to be, I begin to see things differently. The challenge is to see myself more and more through His eyes, so I can continue to become more like Christ. So I can draw people to Him. So I can bring more glory and honor to His Name. So that He is lifted up and lives are changed. So that I can REALLY live this life for Him and in Him. What a thought...!

It will probably be working its way in to the music soon...! 😏

"When Words Leave Off..."

"When words leave off, music begins." ~Heinrich Heine

I should really be finishing up an answer key for my students' last review day tomorrow before their big End of Course Test on Wednesday. But today, my ADD seems to have won out! While most people associate ADD with the inability to focus (hence, the "Attention Deficit" part), what many don't realize is that on that same spectrum, there is the hyper-focus that comes with things that are very stimulating! Which is where I am tonight!!  So, to be sure I can finish my answer key before 3 AM, here I am typing this blog...!

We spent the day Saturday on a trip to ATL with the percussion section from school. They are such a great group of kids! We have two amazing instructors, as well, which is not very common for a school the size of ours! This year, their instructor decided to try and get them into a Percussion Symposium. They were chosen to participate, and were able to hear several other high caliber groups play, be challenged by what they heard and saw, and experience the opportunity to perform in such a setting themselves! Needless to say, they were just a "bit" nervous!! They then had great feedback from highly qualified professionals to help them reach the next level.

As I sat and listened (and watched all day), I heard a lot of different music.  If you know me well at all, you know I'm a little different when it comes to most things...! But one of those "quirks" comes with music... I LOVE music! I feel like when music is involved, all of the fear, intimidation, worry, all of the barriers, even language, is gone. There's something about music that nothing else can compare to. In fact, I have this quote next to my keyboard that pretty much sums it up for me:

"Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends."

And I really believe that's true. Growing up, I always took piano lessons. Playing the piano is like a release for me. Whatever is weighing on me disappears when my fingers hit the keys. My mom always said she could tell how hard my day was by how long/hard I played when I got home. Even as an adult, I am very introverted. While I have learned to cope in spite of iy, especially in a job that requires me to be "on" all day, I have to have time to unwind, recharge and collect my thoughts again. Music is one of the ways I can do that. It allows me to pull away from all of the distractions for a time and "breathe." Also, being an introvert, I often have trouble trying to communicate what is on my heart and mind. Putting adequate words to actually describe the vivid/passionate thoughts, dreams, experiences is often not easy. But something about music can wrap it all into one thought. It's almost like the music allows me to scream out all of my frustration, express my excitement, share my passion, release my hurt, and share my comfort. And I never have to utter a word. We don't have to speak the same language! Which leads me back to this weekend....

After dinner, we were given the privilege of hearing a college group and a VERY experienced professional percussionist play. After sitting and listening to music all day, I was a little fidgety (ADD, you know!). But it was then that I was reminded of the wonder of music!! As they started playing, I begin listening "past" the music. Sort of like those "Hidden Picture" posters that were big in the 90's... You know, you look past the picture and you see a whole other picture! You see what's "really" there! I didn't have a program to flip through, so I gave in to the "distraction" and begin seeing a story unfold. One song sounded very angsty! It made me flinch; it was almost "painful" to my ears. It seemed conflicting with my soul. Like that horrible tapping when someone fidgets, the smack when people eat, the constant jingle of change in the pocket, the constant tick-tick-tick of the clock in the middle of the night...! But finally, it finished, and I felt like I could breathe again, even though I didn't understand what I had heard. Interestingly enough, when I looked at Brandon's copy of the program today, I learned what it was about... "The thematic ideas...suggest a language and a dance that is completely foreign to the listener. As the music develops and builds, the listener is drawn deeper into the unknown mythical world of Lemuria." Pretty cool, if I do say so!

There was another that, as I listened, greatly resembled my crazy ADD mind! For me, it was comforting. It was adventurous, had quick twist and turns, ups and downs, a "fake" ending (like when I think I'm just about asleep!), and then just as it started, it was then just over... Much like my train of thought can be! While to some people, it seems to be a crazy whirlwind of sounds, to me, it followed a unique trail through many interesting places with lots of new discoveries and adventures! Just as how I hope to live my life!! When I read the composer's thoughts, it was credited to a piece that awoke the composer in him and set him on a journey. He referred to it as his "true north" and "guiding star". 

And the same can be said of our connection to God. Often times, I feel like I just can't find the words to express my heart - not just to others, but even sometimes to Him. But there is always music, sometimes with words and sometimes without, that seem to be the channel that helps me to lay down the burden, the frustration or the praise at His feet. Music allows me to disconnect from all of the distraction for a time and to just rest in His Presence. It can draw people to Him. It can sometimes be what helps us to let down our guard enough to allow Him to touch our broken hearts or hurting souls. Sometimes, like the music on Saturday, it is troublesome, just like the struggles we face. Sometimes it is upbeat, like the joys we experience. Other times it is reflective, like being in His Presence and resting in His peace. And just as He speaks to us in many different ways, music has many different styles, to reach us in all of those deepest places in our soul. It pulls us out, opens our eyes, strips away the false impressions and leaves us bare before the only One who loves us in spite of everything. It leads us to our "True North." 

He takes all of our accidentals and makes them intentional. He adds a descant to our seemingly out of place notes to make it beautiful. He brings beauty out of all of the "mistakes" we allow him to touch. 

Here's to the Crazy One (aka Larry Cranor...)

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify them or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." (Apple Inc.)

This week, as Father's Day approached, I found myself thinking again about my daddy.  Those of you that knew him, know he was a black sheep, marched to his own drum, wore make-up and a "dress" during his sermons, etc.  While it's been almost 14 years since he finished his race, I find I miss him more as I think of things I wish I had known to ask 14 years ago, as I see his humor in my son, and his gumption as well.  I learned so much from him, not just in what he said, but in how he lived.  Much of it, I wouldn't learn from, or even realize, until I got older. So as we get celebrate Father's Day, I wanted to share of a few lessons I learned from my own that are helping me to become who I am...

#1 Love Deeply - Love isn't something that's passing.  It isn't something that is easy. It isn't even something that you always "feel". But it is something that is worth your all.  For those that you love, you would give anything for. You will do the difficult things to help them become all they can be. You will sacrifice so that they can grow. You will be vulnerable so that they can learn from you. You will always know that love is there, because it is stronger than any other, it is the tie that binds you together.  It is that love that will take you through the most difficult, seemingly impossible, gut-wrenching situations. And though we all express love differently, those we love most will miss it the most when we are no more.
"Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young."

#2 Be Yourself - Life is too short to spend trying to be anything else. The time you spend trying to conform will be time wasted, draining you of the life you have in you to give to others and to live the life God intended for you to live.  Often times, it is easy to be swept into the current of the world around you, the status quo. But living life in that way is a struggle. While you may not have the approval of everyone around you, you can become who it is that God intends you to be. That is more fulfilling than the accolades of man.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human can ever fight and never stop fighting." (E.E. Cummings)“

Which leads to...

#3 Never Stop Fighting - Anything thing worth having is worth fighting for.  Never, never, never quit. No matter what stands in your way. No matter what others may say. No matter the threats, intimidations, accusations, fears, weaknesses, failures or struggles. God has a purpose for you, and when we do his work, we will have opposition. We are human, and we will make mistakes, but he is patient and wants to shape us to be more like Him, into the person He desires us to be.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts." (Winston Churchill)

#4 You are Unique - There is not another one like you.  While many in our society today want to fit in, we are all different.  It is freeing to be uniquely me! To have observed one who didn't march to the same drum as others, who had a unique way of teaching, of sharing, of equipping, of loving, of living. While many may not have understood him, many were challenged, changed and inspired by him. This has been one of the most personal for me.  It's okay to be different, the world needs different...!

"Be who you were created to be and you will set the world on fire" (St. Catherine of Sienna)

#5 Others' Opinions Don't Matter - This is a difficult one...! I don't know if it was easy for him, but I saw so many times where decisions were made because it was what was best or what was right. While others may have thought differently, he would go with his insight and direction and make those tough decisions. To move forward, to make progress, to sand off the rough edges, to become all that we need to become... (This is one that I am still trying to learn!)

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."(Friedrich Nietzsche)

#6 Dream Big and Dare to Fail - When God gives you a vision, no matter what, never doubt it.  In our own weakness, he is strong. In our willingness, He can do mighty things! All because of an openness to His big picture and to a faith in what He is able to accomplish through our obedience and humility. Even up until his death, I saw this lived out...

"If your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough."

And this is my own personal note for you...

#7 For those who still have your dad, never miss the opportunity to be real with them.  Always tell them you love them. Never miss the opportunity to do something special with them. Don't leave anything unresolved.  You never know when you will say your last goodbye.  Thankfully, I realized this before my time was up! I knew that my own time with my dad was growing short, and by the grace of God, I didn't leave anything unspoken. I knew each time I said goodbye, it may be the last. Each hug may be the one I had to remember. And then one day, it was. It doesn't make me miss him less, but it is a blessing to know that what we had was real, raw and open. Life is too short to have regrets... So this Father's Day, be sure you let your dad know...!

What's In A Name?

Well, I suppose I have taken a hiatus for some time now.  But today, I was drawn back to this place...

I was working on a song we are doing Sunday morning, We Cry Out.

You can listen to it here...

It begins: Father of Life, seated on Your throne of grace, it's only by Your mercy we are saved; Lord You have said if we call upon Your name, we and our families will be saved.

The chorus says: So we cry out Your Name, El Shaddai, God of grace, Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

We rely on Your grace Adonai, crowned in praise; Lord Most High, Jesus Christ

It got me to thinking...What's in a Name? It's not as common anymore, but in ancient days, a name was not something to be taken lightly.  It wasn't about what sounds good, what is popular or what will gain the most attention. In the Bible, a name was a reflection of a significant event, a description of the journey of the person's life, or a revealing of the call on one's life.  Often times, something of such significance would occur that the person would change their name to reflect it.  

For example, Simon, one of the 12 apostles... Simon means "one who has heard." Simon had heard of the promise of a Messiah, but then, he met Him face to face.  He chose to follow Him, and despite his short-comings, Jesus gave him a new name, Peter, or "stone".  Peter would help lay the foundation for the early church that would change the world. 

Abram, which means "high father," became Abraham, "father of many," as God fulfilled His promise to him by giving him his son Isaac, father of Jacob...

Jacob, meaning "following after", as in following after his brother, Esau, became Israel, or "One who struggles with God" after wrestling with the angel.  When asked his name, Jacob was told, "Your name will no longer be Jacob," He said. "It will be Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed." (Gen. 32:28). 

Even my own birth name had meaning, Stacey Ladonna, "lady of the resurrection", or from the name Anastasia, "one who has been resurrected." This holds meaning to me because of the new life I received in Christ many years ago, but also for the opportunity he provides each day for me to be renewed in Him if I will but surrender.

Names hold much power. In history, one needed only to speak the name of an evil ruler and people would tremble. A signet ring bearing the initial of the king would seal any edict without question. Even in modern history, the name of one person (Hitler) could mean the rise to power or death in a concentration camp or firing squad or worse. And all because of a name.

The Bible tells us that people were baptized in the Name of Jesus, healed by the Name of Jesus, demons were driven out in the Name of Jesus, the apostles preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus, spoke boldly in the Name of Jesus, suffered disgrace for the Name of Jesus... Even in the Old Testament, the Name of God was so revered that they dare not speak His name in fear of taking it in vain. Nations feared the Name of the Lord. And one day, "at the Name of Jesus every knee will bow - of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth - and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Phil. 2:10-11)

Which leads back to the song...There is so much power in the Name(s) of God. El Shaddai (All-Sufficient One), God of Grace, Lord Most High, Jesus Christ, Adonai (Lord/Master)...

And yet, in all that Power, He chooses to love us, redeem us, sustain us. He hears our cries, our prayers, our doubts and fears. He promises us "Everyone who calls on the Name of the Lord will be saved." (Joel 2:32) 

He loves us in spite of our failures, weaknesses, sin...if only we choose to follow Him. If only we choose to share the power of His Name with those who don't know Him. Until the day He takes us all away...

The Perfect Sacrifice

Today is "Maundy Thursday" and as we approach Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, we see how HisStory displays His unending love and His unfathomable holiness.  Mankind was full of evil.  Adam and Eve chose to sin and in turn, separate themselves from the relationship God desired.  God is a Holy God.  He can't look upon evil in His holiness, and consequently we are separated from His Presence.  And so, the battle began for the redemption of mankind back to God.

When God first involved man in His plan for redemption, He called Abraham to be the father of a great nation.  In His time and miraculous way, God provided a long-awaited son for Abraham.  One day, He went to Abraham and instructed him to take his only son, Isaac, and offer him as an offering, a sacrifice.  Abraham obeyed, and as he prepared to sacrifice Isaac, God provided a sacrifice in his place.  He commended Abraham saying, "Do not lay a hand on the boy or do anything to him.  For now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your only son from Me." (Genesis 22:12)  In response to God's provision of a ram, Abraham worshiped God and named the place "Jehovah-Jireh", The Lord Will Provide. 

As we look ahead, we see the nation that God had promised to Abraham.  God had provided for them in Egypt and built them into a great nation.  But in response to this, Pharaoh became jealous of and intimidated by their blessing and enslaved them, even ordering their sons to be killed at birth.  But again, God was at work.  He provided a son once again, this time to Jochebed, a Hebrew.  Moses grew to become a man (Exodus 2:11-21). During this time, God again provided.  He heard the groaning of His people.  He knew that there was nothing they could do to be freed from their oppression.  He called Moses to deliver His people from captivity.  If you've seen "The Ten Commandments," you know what happened… (If not, go check it out…!)  And at the end, as God prepared to free His people, the time came for the consequence of the sins that had been committed.  In order to avoid this judgement, God's people had to prepare a sacrifice.  As they prepared, they were to take the blood from the "perfect" animal sacrificed and spread it over the doorposts of their home.  Only by this blood, from their sacrifice, would they be saved.  And just as God had promised, He delivered.  They were freed from slavery in Egypt and delivered (eventually) to the land He had promised them many years before.

Now we fast forward…To another time in the life of His people.  Once again, they were enslaved.  This time, their slavery was more to themselves than to others.  They had become enslaved to the follies of the world, to money, to power, to fame, to greed.  They had turned the place of worship into a den of robbers.  They lived by the law and neglected the grace.  They put power and prestige above a giving, compassionate spirit.  And once again, God was at work.  He again provided a son.  His Only Son.  He grew "in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man." (Luke 2:52)  And then the time came once again. The time for a sacrifice.  The sacrifice for His Only Son.  The Lamb.  The Perfect sacrifice.  Only by His blood would they be saved.  And so it was…  He was crucified on Friday, for a debt He did not owe.  We were delivered - from a debt we could not pay.  Once again, Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider, showed Himself.  

And then history was changed.  Forever.  After a long, terrible Friday at the cross, a broken, hopeless Saturday at their loss, came Resurrection Sunday!  Since the beginning of time, mankind has had to pay the penalty for sin.  The price for sin is death.  and death means the end.  "But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!" (Romans 5:8)  Finally, we were given the sacrifice that ended all sacrifices. By the only One who could pay the debt we owed.  From the only One who has never sinned.  The only One who could conquer sin and death in one fatal blow.  And then, as He proclaimed…"It is finished…!"

What a gift.  What a story.  Where HisStory invites us to freedom as we surrender completely to Him.  His life in exchange for our own.  Will we give our life for Him?

Freedom...

Seems like a far cry from where we feel like we're headed, doesn't it?  Less choice, more rules, less pay, more cost…. But it is in the middle of this mess that we call life that I am discovering my own place.

We live in a world where we want more bang for our buck, we'll make it your way, no credit check, all you can eat, buy one get one…, in only 8 weeks you can have…, and the list goes on.  However, I have discovered that in the middle of all the convenience comes a mad & crazy dash for nothing…. What do we really have to show for all of it?  Is there anything that will make a lasting impact?

On the other end of the spectrum, we see the name it and claim it mindset.  If you believe it, it will happen.  If you are doing the right things, good things will come to you.  Or perhaps the worst…God will never give you more than you can handle.  I think we have been fooled on that one…!

As I continue to learn about the many facets of God, I am reminded by a friend of a passage: "God is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape so that you are able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Sounds all good, but here's the kicker…we're talking about temptation…not about life… Sometimes, God will allow us to face mountains that are higher than we can climb, or seas that are roaring out of control (remember His disciples?) or even circumstances that seem to take everything we have left (remember Jesus in Gethsemane?).  Does that mean that He doesn't care?  Or that He isn't strong enough? Or doesn't love us enough? Or that we have really messed up this time?

I'll be honest…I have asked myself those questions many times.  I have spent hours trying to figure out where I went wrong, what I missed, what I misunderstood.  Sometimes, to be honest, it is me… I am very opinionated, very determined and very stubborn.  These can be good when used in the right way.  But when dealing with God, these can cause much heartache, growing pains, sometimes temper tantrums, and always a final surrender to what the Father knows is best.  Other times, it isn't any of that.  It is simply that God knows the big plan.  He knows where I am headed.  He knows what I will face.  He knows what others need.  And He knows what He desires to complete in me and in others.

Probably the most difficult, but most rewarding, lesson I have learned in this life so far is that God cares about me too much to worry about hurting my feelings by correcting me or showing me how helpless I am without Him.  Sometimes, in all the convenience, processed, and at-our-fingertips luxuries that we have become accustomed to - even those who don't have as much - we have forgotten that we need each other, and more importantly, we need Him.

Without Him to correct me, guide me, discipline me and even sometimes allow me to suffer, I have missed (or forgotten) the fact that He has a desire to have a real relationship with me and for me to know Him.  When I think of the relationship He wants with me, I think a lot of my relationship with my own dad.  It seemed that we could communicate without ever saying a word.  We could almost seem to read each other's thoughts.  We knew our love for one another, even when nothing was said.  We thought alike, we laughed at the same things.  We had the same sense of humor.  We had a heart for many of the same things.  There was a connection that couldn't be broken by time or space.  I have to believe that God desires that same relationship with me.  While I wanted to talk to my dad, and still miss it, it was more than just a talk.  It was more than a checklist.  It was more than just an appearance.  It was something that was real.  Nitty-gritty some times.  Raw sometimes.  But it was open, honest and real.

God doesn't want me to say or do what I think He wants.  He already knows what my true intentions are.  He wants me to be real; He already knows where I'm weak, stubborn, struggling.  He knows me better than I know myself.  Sometimes, I think He simply wants for me to know myself as He does. And yet, He has a plan for me.  I am often comforted by Peter, who had a knack for sticking his foot in his mouth, becoming a powerful, passionate follower of the Christ.  He knows that I am in over my head.  I often think He does that intentionally…so that I can know Him more, so that I will involve Him in my life, and so that I will seek Him above everything else.

And that is where the freedom comes in.  The more boxed in I feel in my job or surroundings or just life in general, the more I have to begin looking up and looking out.  Where will God show Himself?  When will He show me another facet of His glory?  When will I remember, once again, that it is only through Christ that I can do anything of real meaning?  When will I accept that life can be hard, for no reason I can understand, but that it is a part of what He desires for me to become more like him.  More like the refined silver.  When will I realize that being weak, or even broken, flawed, helpless, or overwhelmed is sometimes, often times, right where He wants me.  It is then that I have no other choice but to reach up…

To cry out…

To listen for the still small voice…

14,000 and counting….Or, Lessons Learned from a Life Well Travelled

I have been thinking a lot lately…I know…you're thinking, uh-oh…!  But this has been introspective.  We are at year 11 (11.21.02) since my daddy finished his time here in his temporary home.  That's about 4,000 days (minus a couple of weeks…math geek, you know!).  Over those days, I've had many times when I wished I had another day with him, or missed his sense of humor, or longed for his advice and experience.  I've had many more times when I look at what I got from him in about 10,000 days before.  Here are just a few of the lessons his life taught:

1.  You can't please all of the people all of the time, but you can definitely tick off all of the people at some point or another.  :)  Ok…that's a bit of Cranor humor.  But it's also a really important lesson.  I have always been one to not want to hurt some one's feelings or annoy them or get on their bad side.  Being a teacher, that's not always easy.  As I've grown up, I've realized that you can't always avoid that.  Some people are never happy.  Others are extra sensitive.  Sometimes, it's just that we have different opinions or philosophies.  Whatever the case may be, at some point or another, I am bound to upset, annoy or just plain aggravate someone.  The key is how to respond to that in grace and love.  Hopefully, I don't hurt feelings as much, but if you don't agree with me, that's ok.  You don't have to…

2.  God uses imperfect people for His perfect plan.  My dad was always critical of himself, as we all can be and I tend to be.  He was the first to admit that he had learned from many mistakes in his life.  And that he had a long way to go towards perfection.  But through his life, I realized that it was ok.  God is big enough, powerful enough, and wise enough to take someone, anyone, with all of their imperfections, and use them to do a great work for Himself and to the benefit of others.  Even now, I see remnants of what my daddy left behind, of the work he did for God's kingdom and the lives he touched.  All that is required is a heart that desires to be used by Him.  And a heart that has a vision to leave this world in a better state than it was when it came.  Which takes me to number 3…

3.  Dream big. I will admit.  I am a dreamer. An idealist.  That can often feel like a smack in the face when you wake up to face the "real world" on Tuesday morning.  (Yes, Tuesday…on Monday, I'm not with it enough to know better…!) Society is often not too keen on dreaming big.  They see life as a series of steps to make money, move up, have the right things. But sometimes that's not enough.  That's where the dream comes in.  Sometimes, the dream is what keeps you alive.  Sometimes, against all odds, that dream is what moves you forward when you should be down and out.  And whether or not that dream actually comes to fruition isn't what's important.  It's that you didn't settle with the "as is" and you looked ahead to the "what if."  I am still working on this lesson especially.  My "what iffer" has been working overtime to see what could be…

4.  Face your fears.  This is one I am still having to work at.  Sometimes, we don't realize our fears until the are staring us right in the face.  I learned from his example, though, that running away from them doesn't help anyone or anything.  Hard as it may be, you have to stare them right back in the face.  Maybe they won't go away immediately.  Or maybe not at all, but not flinching at them is a victory.

5.  Be True to Who You Are.  One of the biggest lessons I learned from him was that God knew who He created me to be.  My personality, interests, abilities, humor and even my weaknesses were no surprise.  And yet, He has a plan to use me in His big plan.  He didn't make a mistake.  He knew what I would face in my life experiences.  Many of the traits He equipped me with would be exactly the things needed to pull through, learn lessons, build bridges and even touch people.  Trying to be something I'm not makes it look as though I believed God "made a mistake."  And we both know better than that!  Warts and all, the Father knows best…!

6.  Life is hard. God is good.  Daddy did not have an ideal life growing up.  Life was not always kind.  Times were often very difficult.  Even when I was growing up, things did not always come easily.  But as I watched and learned, I saw that anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Even when times are difficult, people are hurtful, health is waining, life is hard…one thing still remains.  God is good.  In the midst of all of those times, God sustains us and even uses those instances to make us more like Himself; to reveal another facet of Himself to us.  And because of that…

7.  Never Quit Fighting.  Despite what seems to be staring you in the face, in spite of what your past may hold over you, regardless of your situation at the time, even when you can't see in front of you…don't quit.  While the fighting is fatiguing and you feel so weary, it is the fight that actually moves you on to what God has in store.  It's the silent strength that pushes you on to the point you thought was unreachable.  Just like Indiana Jones, it's having the faith to step off the cliff, even though you don't see the bridge.  In faith, move forward. "Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13b-14)

And as a result, one day may I, too, say… "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7)

God-sized holes and God-side tasks...

As as family, we have the privilege of taking our 13 year old through Experiencing God. If you've been around the church for awhile,  you're likely familiar with this study.  In fact, you may have heard recently of it's author, Henry Blackaby, who had disappeared for a time and was found having had a heart attack.  Thankfully, he is with us still and God is able to continue to use him.

This study came out several years ago when I was in youth.   I started through it then, then went through the adult version a few years later, and have helped guide others through a study a few years back.  As a family ,we wanted to draw closer to God ,closer to one another and truly understand all that God had planned four our lives, both together and individually. Being a younger Christ follower, Brandon  could also benefit from understanding that God calls us and also prepares us for his work if we are willing to surrender to Him.

This past week, our study was on the Crisis of Belief.  This relates to the decision we must make when God presents to us a task that is too big for our own accomplishment and may be way out of our comfort zone and strengths. The true crisis is whether or not we will trust that God is all powerful and perfectly capable to work through us if we will just surrender to His call or if we will decide that it doesn't seem very logical and isn't an area that we are gifted in, so there must have been a misunderstanding.  Or God meant to call someone else.  Or we just don't want to give up what we are comfortable with to attempt what others may ridicule us for, or even worse, what we could even fail at.

In the study, Blackaby wrote this:

     Our world is not attracted to the Church we serve because they cannot see Him at work. They see us doing good things for God and say, "that is wonderful, but that is not my thing."  The world is passing us by because they do not want to get involved in what they see. They are not having an opportunity to see God. Let the world see God at work, and He will attract people to Himself. Let Christ be lifted up - not in words but in life.  Let them see the difference that a living Christ makes in a life, a family or a church; that will make a difference in how they respond. When the world sees things happening through God's people that cannot be explained except that God himself has done them, then the world will be drawn to the God they see.

He later states that "the reason much of the world is not being attracted to Christ and his church is that God's people lack the faith to attempt those things that only God can do."

This is the problem in our churches and in our lives as well. We no longer set God-sized tasks to be accomplished. We set reasonable goals that can be attained with a little sacrificial giving and a lot of hard work. We follow the trends established by those who have done countless studies to see what the next move will be, all of which is good, but we leave no room for God to show His power and glory in our lives. As a result, we never really understand the depth of God's greatness. In fact, "If you can see clearly how something can be accomplished, more than likely faith is not required."  Unfortunately, we aren't the only ones that suffer from it...

The rest of the world suffers from a God-sized hole. This whole is immense...so big, that while we pour more and more in to try and fill it, it is never full. Only one thing can fill that hole. The God we serve is big enough to fill it to over-flowing. While the road is indeed narrow and those who travel down it are few, we often cause a bottle-neck in the road by not allowing our God to show Himself through us. We limit His out-pouring through us. In fact, we often each have a God-sized hole of our own, simply because we haven't given Him full capacity of our lives.  Our major problem is our self-centeredness....

Imagine the difference this world would see if only we would attempt God-sized tasks for a godless world seeking to fill a God-sized hole.  In a world of do-it-yourself, quick fix gadgets, we need a little, or a lot, more faith in the power of a great God!

"Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

Surrender

It's been a while since I blogged...been a little crazy...been a lot distracted...been thinking...

If you grew up in a typical Southern Baptist Church, you are probably familiar with the song "I Surrender All."  If you listen, you can hear it echo in your mind...

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His Presence daily live

I Surrender All
I Surrender All
All to Thee, my Blessed Savior
I Surrender All

It is a very melodic, gently soothing song.  The words are comforting.  And it's something that any church goer would hope to do.

Anyone who knows me knows I've grown up in church.  In fact, I jokingly say that I was in church 9 months before I was born.  I've heard all of the stories.  I know most of the songs (though not a lot of the south Georgia gospel songs!).  I know every Sunday School answer.  And John 3:16.  I can even sing the books of the Bible.  One for the Old Testament and another for the New Testament.  I was a faithful tither even when I only made $1 a week.  I didn't miss church unless I was really sick.  (Except for one time...I tried to see if it would work, since I just didn't feel like it.  And my parents saw through it and I was stuck in bed for the whole day...!) 

Please don't get me wrong.  There is nothing wrong with any of that.  In fact, most of it is important, and a fundamental part of my life today.  But what does all of that mean?  In the end, what does it accomplish?  Does it make the words of the song any clearer, any stronger?  As I think of my past, I think of another's.  One that I often identify with - Paul.

He had done everything by the book.  He had a perfect resume.  He was squeaky clean.  Or was he?  Like me, he grew up knowing all the right things.  Following all the proper protocol.  Seeking to please those over him.  Having every reason to be proud of his checklist.  And then he encountered Christ...

And once he did, his life was never the same.  He suffered hardship, persecution, had some type of physical ailment that, three times, he pleaded for the Lord to remove. God chose to leave a thorn in his "flesh".  Not to hurt him, but to remind him that in his weakness, He is strong.  Of all people, Paul had knowledge above knowledge.    

And yet he said in Romans 7,

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature^[d] a slave to the law of sin.

Even Paul had a choice to make each and every day... Suddenly, it seems that in the every day encounters of life, the simple song is not so simple anymore.  While the principle is clear, the will is often weak.  It is easy to say "I Surrender All," but in fact, it is more like I surrender some.  And some days, I surrender none.  What I should freely give, I sometimes give grudgingly, if at all.  So many times, I stumble, often fall, and even sometimes wallow in the mud.  I know that God's law is indeed a delight to the soul, but in my  stubbornness I choose to try my own way first, only to be reminded that only in His way do I have true freedom.

So again, like Paul, I have to make a choice...

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So, once again, I cry "uncle"...

or maybe just "Father"...

Days of Remembrance

In the Old Testament, God instructed His people to observe specific days of remembrance.  These holidays, or "holy days", were intended to remind the people of the miracles God had performed and how He had delivered His people time after time.

Today is a Day of Remembrance in my life as well.  July 29, 1997.  It was the day that God showed Himself to me as Great Physician (Jehovah Rapha).  For many years, I had suffered from Epilepsy.  Through this time, God had graciously shown himself to me as Jehovah Shammah (The Lord is There) and Jehovah Tsur (The Lord is my Strength).  Time after time, he worked in ways that could only be credited to him.  He strengthened me when I felt I had nothing else to give.  He sustained me when I felt I couldn't go one step more.  He reminded me that when I am weak, He is strong.

Sixteen years ago, however, he showed me a new facet of His glory.  It was in my stay in MCG for my brain surgery. I had my final epileptic seizure.  It was at that point that my neurosurgeon felt he had what he needed to perform a successful surgery.  And he was correct; it was successful.  A textbook case.  To the point that on his stop by my room on the following Sunday, he said that he had never seen such a textbook case, and never seen such a quick recovery.  He couldn't explain it.  God was glorified, and recognized as Jehovah Rapha, as I shared with him that it was easily explainable...people all over the world had been praying for this surgery, and God had answered their prayers.  And his reply was, "You're right."

God is truly good.  While he didn't have to bring healing, he chose to, in order that he would be lifted up.  He has provided opportunity in the years following to continue to receive glory.  To help others in their journey.  To take them down a similar path.  He chose to leave a small, but ever present thorn in my "flesh" to constantly remind me of His healing, of my dependence on Him and of His power.

So today, I mark another year...5, 843 days...of this stage in my journey with Him.  While I am ever reminded of my life passage through the valley of epilepsy (1 Corinthians 12:7-10), I now claim another life passage: Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21).

I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever;

    with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known

    through all generations.

Psalm 89:1